


winter commute

by determinisms (violentredux)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Study, Gen, atsumu's dramatic ass again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:28:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25223893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violentredux/pseuds/determinisms
Summary: The day Osamu tells him he’s not going to play volleyball after high school, Atsumu takes a train ride to Osaka.
Kudos: 13





	winter commute

**Author's Note:**

> A man takes his sadness and throws it away  
> but then he’s still left with his hands.
> 
> \- Richard Siken, "Boot Theory"

The day Osamu tells him he’s not going to play volleyball after high school, Atsumu takes a train ride to Osaka. 

Across from where he’s sitting, cityscapes flit past the window, highway overpasses blur into meaningless colors, telephone lines snap and fade into blue. Around him, suits, ties and briefcases are silent, the only rustle coming from the occasional tilt of the train as it hurtles across the tracks. 

His phone buzzes.

**samu’s fuckin headass** [16:04]

_ youre fuckin lucky we dont have practice tmr mornign  _

The low battery sign flashes on his screen as he’s typing out a response, the twenty percent sign mocking him as it flickers in the top right corner. He reaches into his bag and - Fuck. 

Doors open right when he realizes he left his portable charger at home, flooding the cart with more people, more suits, more ties, more briefcases. Puffs of cold air follow them in, causing a ripple of shivers next to him. He glances outside the window at the nameplate on the wall. One more station. 

He deletes the message he was typing out. Types another one. Deletes it. Types it out again. There’s a myriad of words he wants to tell Osamu, things he wants to know, questions he wants to ask. Like,  _ why now?  _ Like,  _ was I not enough? _ Like,  _ if I was the better twin when this all started, would you have stayed?  _ And ugly words too, ugly questions too. Like,  _ what am I going now?  _ Like,  _ I don’t even know who I am without you.  _ Like,  _ please don’t leave me alone.  _

The doors open. Osakako Station. He gets out. 

It’s a eight minute walk from the station to Kaiyukan. Eight minutes of small store signs, sparkling street lights, winter wind biting at his face. He passes by the ferris wheel at minute six, with its colorful passenger cabins and skyscraping stature. Recognizes the red passenger cabin he had sat in a few years ago. A few years ago with Osamu. 

He continues walking. When he reaches the aquarium, he pays the entrance fee and walks over to the first and only fish tank in the aquarium he had ever been interested in. The pamphlets at the front had called it the “Aqua Gate”, an immersive, underwater tunnel, reminiscent of life in the middle of the sea. Osamu had called it the fish rainbow when they were six. 

Atsumu frowns. Tries to shove thoughts of Osamu out of his mind. 

Ribbons of fish greet him as he steps through the mouth of the tunnel, curiously tapping at the glass with their heads and fins. A stingray flies over his head, right to top to left. Deep blue seeps through the transparent wall, settles on both sides of him, glosses over his hands, neck, cheeks. 

If he closes his eyes, he can pretend like the ripples of water are songs the fish sing to him, pretend like the shiver he feels that day is from the blistering cold outside and not the unfamiliar licks of a bitter feeling settling right by his heart. 

When the sun sets, he goes home.

**Author's Note:**

> hi! i made this acc to post all my drabbles and snippets from wips that ill probably never finish (rip) bc i have nowhere else to post them. this is from a wip that i was writing for atsuhina week and i actually really enjoyed writing it so .. here it is. it's pretty much my take on the aftermath of osamu telling atsumu he's not playing volleyball after high school. it was going to play into a bigger plot of loneliness and whatever but i think it works fine on its own. i also have this one almost-finished sakuatsu wip that i started all the way back in may but then the Sakusa Chapter came out and i realized that my characterization was no longer canon and proceeded to angst over it for a week. i might just post some of it on here for fun but who knows  
> anyway, i would love to hear your thoughts & thank you so much for reading, you are an angel <3


End file.
